Michelle's story
Pregnancy
I started prep work in the second trimester and really focused on separating them from myself when I was at home and ignoring them. I worked on getting them accustomed to the equipment and sounds since they already had a really strong foundation of other skills.
Immobile baby
I always kept my body between dogs and the baby and started to teach dogs from the very beginning to give baby distance by having them lay on their beds or on the other end of the couch from us. Always prompting them to be away from the baby, but reassuring them and encouraging them to look and sniff from a distance.
The first couple of weeks, the dog who is nervous of kids wanted to investigate the baby and was showing lots of conflicted body language.
I had her keep distance until she showed calm body language and only then let her briefly sniff near the baby or her feet, never let her up to the baby's head or face. She is also the dog who always wants to be close to me (being nervous of the baby didn't change that), so I had to carefully manage that and teach her to give us space.
Over time she got used to the baby's presence and relaxed, but would become slightly agitated if the baby was screaming and upset, e.g., when agitated she would approach me to check if everything was okay, frantically wagging her tail, jumping or standing on me while staring into my eyes.
The dog who is neutral to children kept space on her own and would often just walk away or leave the room if she was unsure/uncomfortable. I always praised her for doing this and let her take as much space as she wanted.
What Michelle did:
➜ If I had to leave the room I always had the dogs follow me and never left them alone with the baby.
➜ I frequently physically separated the dogs and gave them stuffed kongs and treats at a distance.
➜ Even though physical separation wasn't necessary a lot of the time since the baby was immobile, I was practicing for when she started to crawl.
Crawling
As soon as my baby started to move the dogs were more alert to her and pretty nervous.
This is when the neutral dog really started to just leave the room, which I loved.
The nervous dog would watch the baby like a hawk, but never move away on her own. I continued to prompt that dog to go away or go somewhere else. She is the type of dog who even though she is super worried, will not move away just sort of let the uncomfortable thing continue to happen until it's too much for her.
What Michelle did:
➜ I had to separate the dogs a lot more during this time and put up additional baby gates and fences and I bought a playpen for the baby.
➜ Around this age I started to really talk a lot to the baby about giving the dogs space and not touching them. I had never let her touch them, always blocked her and redirected her if she tried or moved her hand away or moved her away.
➜ I started to model other things to do like wave hello or hug one of her soft stuffed animals.
➜ Once my baby started moving, I made sure to never give my dogs food toys or chews in the same space as my child (and I still never do, they are always separated for eating).
Beginning walking/young toddler
This was the HARDEST time for us.
My baby was an early walker and has always been pretty fearless and physical. I had to have the dogs and baby separated probably 90% of the time during this phase from about 1 year-18 months old.
When they were together I was totally on top of it, not doing anything else but literally practicing them being in the same space. The dogs were pretty nervous because she was unpredictable and pretty wobbly.
What Michelle did:
➜ I continually reinforced to her not to move toward the dogs and that they needed space.
➜ I physically blocked her and redirected her repeatedly.
➜ If she kept trying, I physically separated them.
➜ I gave her TONS of praise for interrupting herself or just doing something else like waving or just looking, and especially loved it when she got bored enough to just ignore the dogs and play with her toys or do something else.
It was really tough on all of us, but I knew how important it was to protect the dogs from bad experiences so they could learn to trust her.
Maybe one or two times she slipped past me and got too close. I stayed calm, immediately moved her away and gave the dogs tons of praise and treats.
18 months - 2 years
(This will vary greatly based on your specific child!)
Over time, the dogs became more and more accustomed to her moving around and relaxed and because I protected them they learned that she is not a threat.
Around 18 months I started to let my child give the dogs treats, supervised and modeled by me. I also only did this because my dogs are well trained in not grabbing treats from her or jumping up.
What Michelle did:
➜ I started by using treats that she could eat (e.g., goldfish crackers) in case she put them in her mouth.
➜ At first, she gave treats sitting in my lap. When she was closer to two, she started giving the treats standing while the dogs sat for her.
➜ I had her throw the treats on the floor, never hand them directly to the dogs mouth (my dogs do not guard from one another so the floor is okay!).
➜ I've also reinforced to her the very important rule of once the dog is near or has the treat or food, you never, ever approach them.
Around 18 months, I also started to teach her how to play fetch with the dogs. This was especially great with the dog who is neutral toward kids because playing with toys is a huge reward for her.
Playing fetch:
➜ I started with my child restrained in her stroller outside, throwing the toy.
➜ Then, we had her play from standing inside her crib.
➜ Next, we worked toward her being able to throw the toy while standing at the same level as the dogs (in the house or outside).
➜ I always heavily modeled, supervised and taught my child to never touch the toy until the dog drops it and steps away.
➜ We practiced how to play and follow the rules and I continued (and continue to this day) to reinforce those rules.
➜ If she is ever unable to follow the rules we stop the play and try again later.
Between giving treats, playing fetch and me continuing to make sure the dogs had only good experiences with my child, I could really see them starting to relax and build a relationship with my child; each dog having their own dynamic with her.
How the dogs (and we have a cat too) are in a bubble and we never go into their bubble unless invited. Because she loves actual bubbles this gave her a really concrete visual. She often reminds me that the cat or dog is in their bubble when she is walking by them and it's really neat to see her understand the concept.
I also started to talk a lot about body language and point out to her what it looks like if the dog wants to play or needs space, is happy or is nervous, etc. Learning about and recognizing body language helps her begin to understand if she's being invited into the bubble or not.
I've also added the concept of 'air hugs'. It's something my daughter can do with animals (including our own) when she wants to show affection because she is never allowed to hug them. It's just wrapping your arms around yourself and saying 'hug' from a distance.
Another thing that's been important to us is doing things together as a family when we can. Taking the dogs and kid to the beach or park together for shared fun experiences outdoors helps build in a positive association for both of them.
2 years old
Around when my child turned 2, I started to be able to more loosely supervise her with the dogs. They were all used to sharing the space and following the rules at this point. Because she has never been allowed to touch or grab the dogs and has been taught lots of other ways to interact with them, it was rarely an issue and she didn't try.
The dog who started out neutral toward kids has been actually really fond of my child (it's so wonderful to see!) and they have been playing fetch together every day. That dog has also started to ask for physical affection from her so we have started to practice the rules of touching and how to give a gentle pet on the dog's back (and that dog only!).
What Michelle has been doing:
➜I have been physically separating the dogs and child sometimes if she is extra wild running around, or using a toy with wheels that is all over the place, or if she's in a mood where she may have a tantrum or push boundaries, but most of the time they can be in the same space together without any issues.
➜ I have been always supervising, but can also be doing something else at the same time and just keep an eye on them.
2.5 years old
Izzy, the dog who is nervous with children, seeks out attention from my child sometimes!
What Michelle has been doing:
➜ My daughter has learned how to gently pet the dogs and where. The rule is, petting is always supervised by an adult and she has to ask the grown up first. They all play a lot more now as well.
➜ We let our daughter share holding the leash if we are walking somewhere really secure.
➜ She also likes to help when the dogs are being leashed by holding the harnesses for us before we put them on each dog.
➜ I’ve also taught her to say “I need space” if the dogs are bothering her for attention and she is busy playing. Then I call them or take them away.
It is amazing to see how much Frankie loves my daughter and how much Izzy has warmed up to her and even seeks out attention from her!
Wait, there is more!
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